September 9, 2023

The news you need to know.

My roundup of this week’s news.

Coast Guard arrests man in giant hamster wheel trying to run across the Atlantic. And this isn’t his first time.

Important record broken: 13 donuts stacked in 1 minute. Seems like a record dying to be broken again next week.

Here’s the poop: Tower gets this emergency distress call: “It’s just a biohazard issue. We had a passenger who had diarrhea all the way through the airplane so they want us to come back to Atlanta.”

Woman chews through antitheft cord to steal iPhone from Apple Store. She’s gotta have it.

Bride marries future father-in-law after groom flees wedding. It turned out to be her happy day after all.

US Gov invests in computerized fabric in project “Smart ePants”.

Keratopigmentation laser surgery can change your eye color permanently. Well don’t it make my blue eyes brown.

Weed is rich in toxic heavy metals. Could it be that listening to heavy metal while smoking weed…I guess not.

Vacation Destination: Watch local boaters push floating island around a lake.


Dogs respond better when talked to in a cutesy, high-pitched voice. Who’s a good boy now?

A 3-legged bear raids poolside fridge and drinks 3 cans of Whiteclaw. Sounds like the start of a joke, but no.

Dog breaks out of house and sneaks into a Metallica concert. Also sound like the start of a joke.


Warner signs deal with AI pop singer. Zikes, what’s in that rider clause?

Controversial AI song with cloned vocals of Drake and Weeknd has officially been submitted to the Grammys in two categories.

Tiny robots can be planted to do surgery within the body. Like Fantastic Voyage, but without Raquel Welch inside.

AI to eliminate 2.4 million jobs by 2030 And how many will it generate?


Musk says he’ll sue Jewish anti-hate group to prove X is not antisemitic.

Tesla enthusiast claims self-driving tried to kill him.

Musk admits sabotaging Ukraine military by turning off Starlink.

After bragging he’ll pay legal fees for anyone fired for tweeting, Musk is silent about man who gets death sentence for tweets.

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