The news you need to know. 6/3/23
My roundup of this week’s news.
Presidential challenger Robert F. Kennedy Jr can talk with the dead. Then talk with your dad or uncles so they can tell you to back off on the goofy talk.
Just for the paranoid: 8 zombie viruses discovered in the melting permafrost.
Ralph Yarl, 17, participates in charity brain injury walk just weeks after being shot in the head when ringing doorbell at wrong address.
376 years late, Connecticut exonerates those convicted and hanged in witch trials. And they didn’t even have social media back then to spread panic.
Oldest human footprints date back 153,000 years. And it appears they were headed to the casino. OK. Maybe not.
OUR ANIMALS FRIENDS
Black bear robs bakery of 60 cupcakes. Perhaps it was Cocaine Bear with the post-snort munchies.
Trafficker caught smuggling parrot eggs when they hatch at airport. And immediately start asking for crackers.
Hawaii faces threat from mean feral chickens.
Russian spy whale goes AWOL looking for love in Swedish waters. Isn’t seeking love why every male goes to Sweden?
California’s Firefighter goats in danger of becoming BBQ due to new employment law. Hey, you can’t do that to the greatest of all time.
Turns out the evil weevil is a useful pollinator.
Prehistoric elephant graveyard discovered in Florida. Hmmm. Is it just a coincidence Florida is also where us overweight retirees go to pass on?
Air Force now denies that AI-guided drone defied directives and “killed” human operator in simulation, so it could complete its mission. Then explain that virtual 21-gun salute.
Captcha AI generating jibberish images and locking out users. Maybe it’s Rorschach captcha trying to analyze our thoughts at the same time?
You can now create an AI version of anyone as your girlfriend. But then of course you’d lose all your real friends.
New camera has no lens. Uses your GPS location and has AI generate the photo. So overloaded I wasn’t able to get a “photo”.
AI fail: National Eating Disorders Association chatbot taken down after it recommended bad eating habits to callers. This was after NEDA fired their human staff in favor of AI.
NASA chief worried China will steal our Moon Water. Hmmm. I think there’s a place closer where we could get plenty of water.
Repeated signals in space: Aliens trying to communicate with us? Or once they saw how appetizing humans looked from the SETI project, maybe they’re calling for a Grubhub order.
Conspiracy Theory: The ISS is actually staged underwater. And run by Bigfoot? “If you look close, you can actually see goldfish swimming through the galley.”
Indian official drains reservoir to retrieve iPhone. Must have been a Pro.
Elon Musk Social Security number in leak. Relax: There won’t be any left by the time he retires.
Seizure-reducing brain implant removed from woman’s head after company goes belly up.
Gullible supporters bought Trump Bucks thinking they’d be rich when he returned to power and made the currency official. Not that much father-fetched than Dogecoin, is it?
Speaking of: The Dogeking’s Twitter worth a third of what Musk paid for it.
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